Domestic Violence and Thanksgiving Flu

As a survivor of domestic violence, the trauma – even now, years later – still manages to jump up and bite me. Usually it occurs in the late fall, and it’s always the same: I’m overwhelmed with symptoms not much different than the flu – headache, body ache, moodiness. But the symptoms are also accompanied with a wave of anxiety, fear, and depression. “That’s not the flu,” I think to myself. “That’s ...” And then I remember what happened at this time so many years ago, and I want to run to the bathroom and let go.

Now that I’ve gotten through another of these “anniversaries”, I want to share with you why I call it my Thanksgiving Flu:

To begin, I survived seven years at the hands of abuse from a violent, violent man. How violent? In addition to the beatings I suffered, my ex almost beat to death my 18-month-old Golden Retriever puppy. Fortunately, I managed to get my dog out of the house only to have my ex steal my other dog, Brandy. No one could help me, not even the police. And I lived everyday for six weeks in fear of finding pieces of Brandy on my front porch. Six weeks later, a judge ordered my dog returned to me. The pick-up was arranged at a mutual friend’s apartment, and by some miracle, Brandy was returned unhurt ... on Thanksgiving night.

I thought that would be the end of my torment. How naive I was. In fact, it was only the beginning of five years – five years! – of my being stalked. Now, the anniversary of that night comes and goes; sometimes with an uneventful remembering and acknowledging. Other years -- like this year – I catch a bad case of the Thanksgiving Flu. And the events of that awful night come flooding back. In case you’re wondering, though, I’m feeling a lot better now.

Pamela

Most Dangerous Place for Workplace Shootings and Assaults

I’m so frustrated. Week after week, I add still more accounts of women assaulted, kidnapped, even killed, in or near their workplace by a violent ex-boyfriend or husband. And there just seems to be no end to these sad, horrible stories. One recent assault even happened after the woman was escorted to her car by her employer’s security guard. And in another state, a woman’s co-worker was punched by the abuser when he tried to help the victim. If you are in a violent relationship, I cannot stress too often the importance of telling your employer the truth about your violent relationship. If a woman works, then perpetrators and abusers know where to find their victims at least 40 hours a week. Your life and maybe the lives of your co-workers are in jeopardy by the actions of a violent man. Please let others help you in your quest to be safe. Tell your boss.

Pamela

Texas Nonprofit Wages Ad War Against Domestic Violence

Everything about Texas is big. And now they’ve launched a big ... and very controversial ... war against domestic violence. Beginning last month, nearly 350 Dallas city buses began carrying a series of illustrated public service ads calling attention to DV. The ads show the innocent faces of a young boy and girl. Above the girl’s photo the headline reads, “One day my husband will kill me.” And above the boy’s photo, it reads, “When I grow up, I will beat my wife.” So, has this campaign attracted any attention? Are you kidding? “The calls (for help and support) are more than we can handle,” according to the director of the family support agency that initiated the campaign.

Now for the controversy: Glenn Sacks, a representative of a Massachusetts-based advocacy group calling itself Fathers & Families, is indignant. He says the bus ads unfairly “stereotype men as batterers and women as just victims of DV”. And one Canadian columnist writes, “ the juxtaposition of the fresh-faced innocence of childhood with words that evoke violence and hatred between the sexes is viscerally distressing, because no child should be thinking such thoughts, let alone speaking them aloud without shame."

I don't get it. Are these ads shocking because they SHOW reality, or because most people don’t want to SEE the reality?

Pamela