They Just Don’t Get It or Do They?

I’ve spent years researching, lecturing, volunteering, and writing about domestic violence.
But this month, I had a first: a chance to speak to a roomful of domestic violence perpetrators. A woman’s shelter knowing of my work – and knowing that I, too, had once been a victim – invited me to give a short talk to about 50 DV perpetrators as a part of a court-mandated treatment program.
My first reaction was, “What! 50 violent men all in one room?” But my fears were eased a little when I learned that the program would be conducted in a police precinct meeting room.
Considering my own past, and the work I’ve done, I thought I would never want to be in the same room with perpetrators let alone speak to them. I mean, I just didn’t care who they were, what happened to them, how long their sentences were, or what they had to do to stay out of jail. And I still don’t.
But the invitation was tempting. And a challenge. The host organization even warned me that my audience of perpetrators – most of them men, but some women, too – believe THEY are “the real victims,” of domestic violence, and that THEY have done nothing wrong! And if that wasn’t enough of a challenge I was given 20 minutes to impart some “pearl of wisdom” that would change a lifetime of violent thinking and behavior. The assumption being that if they “get it,” they will stop the violence.
Well, I gave the presentation a couple of nights ago. The eyes of 50 perpetrators were on me, and I did manage to hold my own. I told them about my work, about victims I had written about, and what DV meant to me as a survivor.
As I watched my audience’s reactions, I connected to a few eyes in the room. But did it change things ... for even one perpetrator? I don't know. I mean, what do you say to a room filled with abusive men if your goal is to change the way they think about DV?

What would you have told them?

Pamela

GPS Stalking Devices

I don’t consider myself a “guru of technology” but recently my job necessitated purchasing a GPS for my car. As a survivor of the older technology of stalking (meaning pre GPS) I became suddenly aware of how this might raise all kinds of safety issues for “unsafe women.” trying to go about their daily lives. And this does not begin to address the new dangers for women with cell phones that contain a GPS system.
I have already heard of a women being stalked by her ex-husband. He placed a GPS device on her car. He then went to his work and was able to track her car from his employer’s computer.
How are the new technologies affecting your ability to stay safe?

Pamela

Domestic Violence and the Economy

Will unemployment and a downturn in the economy cause an increase in domestic violence?
Yes, says Linda Blozie, a spokeswoman for the Connecticut Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In fact, in a news report last month, Linda says the impact is already showing up in the rising number of women who are making their way to shelters for abused women in her state.
I agree with Linda. I think the stress of unemployment, and rising gas and grocery prices, will lead to more anger and drinking and battering, and that we’re going to read about more incidents where husbands and boyfriends bring their violence to the workplace ...
When the need for abused women’s shelters and services goes up the contributions that keep the shelters running goes down with a slowing economy. Let me know if this has already affected your ability to either deliver or attain services in your local communities?
Drugs, stress, unemployment and alcohol do not cause domestic violence but they can contribute to the lethality. Has the down turn in this economy affected the violence in your relationship?

Pamela